anon: I love and support transid ppl, but very confused as to how groomer is a slur that can be reclaimed. I mean sure, cishet people looove to accuse anyone even remotely queer of being a pedophile, but isn’t that word just a synonym for pedophile, a crime that obviously isn’t exclusive to the LGBT+? I’m not mad, just very very confused, and feel uncomfortable at the very idea of people “reclaiming” that word, slur or not.
Alright, here’s some links to start off, to back up what Mel is going to say.
Groomer/Grooming has been a term around for years to label LGBT+ folk as bad guys. It is used primarily against LGBT folk in hopes of tarnishing their reputation and to spout propaganda. Transfems and Gay Men have been a huge target of this slur, and it has been said in hopes of separating the LGBT community (and the rest of society) from the ‘bad person’. This is harmful and obviously bad. Many folk are called groomers for solely being LGBT. But not to mention paraphiles? Proshippers? Radqueers? We’re all labeled groomers too. Grooming someone to think something, grooming them sexually, whatever! They’re all applied to us.
A slur becomes a slur when used harmfully and very commonly against a group of oppressed people. Here are some definitions/resources of what a slur is too.
So now that we have that out of the way. It is obvious to anyone who’s been on the internet that many lgbt folk are the targets with the word ‘groomer.’ And pedophilia is not a crime, it is a paraphilia. One someone cannot change. And there are many Paraphiles that are LGBT. Paraphiles are also another group that is oppressed and thrown these slurs at despite not being able to control what their attraction is. Pedophiles are not inherently dangerous. They are mainly folk with a paraphilic disorder, and cannot control what their brain thinks or feels. Many are nonoffending and never will/do act on their attractions. Throwing pedophiles under the bus to advocate for lgbt folk is Not something we will do here, btw. A lot of queerness is tied into paraphilias and fetishes, etc. So there’s that.
Moving on, groomer is so watered down that the real term has no actual meaning anymore. There is no stable definition for what a groomer is. Drag queens just dressing up? Apparently that’s grooming now. The word has changed definitions to people and is so misused that it doesn’t even hold that same value anymore. It holds value as a slur now instead, because as Lgbt folk or paraphiles or proshippers we are inherently called a groomer just for existing.
But there you go. Hope that explained it to you.
Also, slurs are for self identification and reclamation. Not for your comfortability. That’s okay if the slur makes you uncomfortable, Mel used to be uncomfortable saying dyke. (Despite being one.) But now she loves the term. Slurs will never make everybody happy, but those who reclaim it still reserve the right to if applicable, even if YOU don’t approve.
